How To Fix A Marriage

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Relationships & Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)?

There's like an unwritten rule about not getting into a relationship for 1 year during AA. But I was wondering, do they mean no relationships with people who are in your meetings or no relationships period?

When I first got sober this recommendation didn't exist. In fact there is a passage in the big book or one of the stories that contradicts this.

There are many things that are not in the big book, that have been added along the way. This is one of them.

I was young and single when I sobered up. In my case I chose to stay away from AA relatonships because I didn't want to mess my membership up and I knew I was an emotional pygmy who wouldn't handle any break-up well and wanted to keep all that morass outside AA. Getting sober was hard enough without making it more difficult. I would not however have take it as an instruction from any member of AA.

As this idea of no relationships has developed by word of mouth and is not part of the program, people may have slightly differing views on what it means to them.

Although I don't share the view, I take it to generally mean no relationships in or out of AA. This goes beyond AA's remit, but many AA's drink because they have had a rigid extreme view of life and in sobriety they do the same thing. What one paracetemol will do, four will do much better and what 6 months will do, 12 months will be better again.

AA is a slightly different animal than what it was a few decades ago. It has always had problems, but has really degraded nowadays. I personally would be in favour of separate meetings for men and women as many peoples priorities for attending meeting today is not sobriety, but romance. And there are a lot of vulnerable females when they first attend AA and a lot of men ordered by the court to attend or not really seriously problem drinkers who can take things more lightly.

Anyway, you are right, the rule is unwritten and it is unenforcable. It developed in recent decades from 6 months to 12 and some people recommending 3 yrs and to care for a pot plant instead. Personally think it is offensive for men to chase new women and a good idea to avoid relationships within AA for as long as possible. But unless someone is particularly vulnrable emotionally I see no reason to not have big dramatic messy relationships outside AA from early on- leaving the meeting rooms as a private haven to retreat to and providing there is the unconditional commitment to not drink.

So there is 'some' sense in 'some' of it, but as is not unusual, AA's take it to extremes and start controlling and micromanaging other peoples lives. Not that I ever was like that of course...

All the best

How To Fix A Marriage is a free resource offering advice on broken marriage and divorce and a host of common problems involving relationships everyone faces nowadays, including: How to get your boyfriend back, Getting back your ex-girlfriend, How to win back your ex-wife, Win back your ex-husband, How to save a marriage that is broken, Save your marriage, How to identify a marriage in crisis, How to stop the divorce and rebuild your life, Tips to help you Save Marriage Alone, 3 ways to get ex back in your life, Save your relationship, Signs you're in an unhealthy relationship plus may more tips and suggestions how to get your relationships back on track.

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