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Importance of Communication in Relationships 09/26/08 by Mike Samadi

(copyrighted)

Throughout my life, I have realized that in ANY type of relationship, whether it is just starting, a new blossoming or even very established and ever lasting, the following must fit and be true.

A. COMMUNICATION

1. Communicating: In any relationship, communication is the key. Whether in letters or emails, phone or face-to-face conversations must exist and consist of the actual content of the subject matter with some sense of understanding between the other parties. We must understand and know that we live in a sophisticated MULTI-cultural world and people’s thought processes are not as black and white as a letter or email, or even most times A simple phone call.

2. Change communication methods: Any time that one method of communication is not really working, it is best to revert into another method. That’s why when we write letters to people, whether business or personal, once in a while, we pick up the phone, call the recipient and say: â€Hey, I just called to see if you’ve received my letter. Do you have any questions? What do you think?†Or make comments, raise questions†In other words, I think it is important to open the line of communication. Possibly, I am old fashioned. However, throughout the years, I have learned that one type of communication might sometimes get misconstrued. For example, in a letter, you may be able to express some of your thoughts and feelings yet, no matter how hard you try, you are not able to express ALL your feelings because you cannot really express your tone. Whether it is a soft and pleasing tone, directing, commanding, demanding or bluntly angry tone, you cannot truly express these in letters. To give you an example,
I bought software package for my website some time ago. I was under the impression that the software would do what I wanted it to do for my Credit Repair ebook. I was misunderstood. As a result, I emailed back and forth with the vendor and through several emails, I received a response saying: â€Please do not shout at me.†Both of us insulted, I asked either for the vendor to call me or provide me a phone number so that I could call. In our conversation, I was informed that because I had some words capitalized in my emails, it was construed as â€SHOUTING.†Although I had no intentions of that, I used CAPITAL letters to emphasize my point. However, a phone call resolved all issues.

A friend of mine meets with his parties, even if he has to travel 300 to 500 miles to talk with the party face-to-face. I asked him, why. I suggested, â€Its insane. If you were going to meet this person for the first time after several communications, then I would understand. However, driving such a distance, with the possibility of an accident, going through two states just for a lunch meeting when you treat this person as one of your close friends of years, is illogical.†The response I received was logical. He said, â€Talking with people face-to-face and looking into their faces and eyes, reveals a lot of things that you would never be able to see on the phone, letter, email, or even a gift package.†What do you think?

3. Changing tone of communication and removing the dryness. As a person who has experienced much unanticipated stress, I have learned one thing. If I want to be dry and serious in everything I DO, I WILL LOSE THE SENSE OF BEING THE HUMAN THAT I WANT TO BE. What do I mean by that? Allow me to give you an example. On behalf of my clients, I talk with corporate executives, as well as, some challenging people who think- they know everything that there is about the law and the world. Therefore, some of my conversations are down right nasty when I realize that the party on the other end of the phone does not understand my point, or what I am trying to say. Meanwhile, a minute later, I am as pleasant and funny as I can be with the next person in the same company. I joke, ask about the weather in their neck of the woods, while I am discussing what is going on with my client’s account and making my request and demands. As a result, I have established relationships with executive offices of some major corporations to the extent that some of them, as soon as they hear my voice, they know who I am. We joke, tease, and discuss clients’ issues and nicely resolve the matter(s) or sometimes leave as it is†To some others, I may need to say my first name, and to others I may even have to repeat my last name and even joke with them saying, â€This is Mike Samadi, your worst nightmare you knowâ€â€ but, because we have established a relationship through letters, faxes, emails and many phone calls, they know I am just joking. In order to lose that dry sense of communication and making it pleasant, sometimes humor, teasing or joking around would add on to the sensitivity, making the communication more pleasant and the parties more comfortable. Sometimes with some arrogant corporate representatives, even VPs or presidents (who can’t come off of their high horses), my tone on a phone conversation gets serious and nasty (at times). When I realize it is not working then, I draft a letter and properly forward it to the company or the person. Then, the direction changes in my favor. Do I draw a picture? The rules of communications is not a straight line; because, we do not know how other party feels or react to ONLY one method of communications AND/OR to the tone in that communication (especially in this crazy multi-cultural world we live in).
A friend suggested that, â€effective communication comes with: active listening, not taking things personally, being clear and impeccable with your word, and having compassion for both sides. Of course this takes practice and is sometimes easier said than done, but I feel it should be strived for. It is about being able to express yourself and your points without having to raise your voice to prove anything to the other person. It is about active listening and active participation. Not everyone is going to be nice or polite on the phone, however, in all of my experience of being calm, assertive, and a little forward, with my hint of compassion underneath it all, people will usually cooperate with me. Being nasty should not be the way to get what you want. I believe we must practice asking for what we want directly and assertively while also respecting the person on the other end. You cannot control another person’s reaction, however, you can take the high road and control your own reactions to a person.â€

4. Patience: This is a factor that I guess I lack. I have learned that a liar will always trap him or herself. In my opinion, some of those who CLIAM to be honest reveal their hidden secrets shortly later. I don’t want to share my experiences in this matter. They are extensive. I would say here: I have finally concluded that much can be seen and understood about a person’s honesty and values based on their actions and how they present themselves. Years ago, I was testing a friend’s honesty and loyalty to me. I took $12,000 cash and spread it all around the house, some in obvious places, some hidden to be found easily and some not so easily. I left town for a couple of days -leaving her alone at the house. Of course she had visitors. What she had done surprised me. She collected all of the money she could find and stacked it in a safe place. We had met just a few months prior. What do you think?

B. HONESTY and TRUST.

It is also important to reference these two words when we are talking about business or personal relationship. Throughout the years of my short â€yet-learning life, I understand that honesty is the key to success. I can provide several examples, but I am only going to give you a â€consolidated†one. I used to own real estate properties while I was working on my computer projects, before my life took a massive down turn. If you are interested to read about what happened and how I took control of a life that was under the control of many people and agencies -you got to wait and read â€When I-RANâ€-coming in Dec. 2008). Here is an example. I had a set of tenants that as soon as they moved-in, their first monthly rent was paid using a check from a closed account. Of course the check was given to me towards the middle of the month. By the time my bank notified me, they were due for another payment. Therefore, I had another bounced check. As a result of my begging, requesting, demanding and their deceptions, the husband ended up in jail, the family evicted, and their stuff thrown on the side of the road. Two years later, the lady found me, called, and asked me for help. The first thing out of my mouth was, â€Why do you call me, the person who evicted you and the person who threw your husband in jail â€?†She stated, †You were right, we did you wrong and you had all the right to do what you didâ€I am sorry for thatâ€â€ A similar situation happened on another occasion.

When I review consumers’ credit reports and interview them, I realize if they are being honest or dishonest as I am speaking with them over the phone or especially in person. It doesn’t matter how hard one tries, you will never know if a person is being honest with you - in a letter or an email.

Let’s see why. It does not matter how good a deceiver may be, but in a phone or face-to-face conversation- question after another, exposes stuttering, lack of proper response and many other factors to include the tone-change that reveals the hidden secrets. A face to face communication even reveals a lot more as you have eye contact, visualizing -body language, face/color change, sweat, and signs of nervousness that cannot be seen through the phone, email, letters, etc. In my opinion, the least honesty you can receive out of anyone in a communication is through an email, or letter. Do you know WHY?

You see. One thing I learned throughout my short life is the fact that the TRUE experience is gained through LIFE (especially later). I possibly started life later than most others did or do. I not only had to adapt to a life without parents, was influenced by horrible so-called friends in my teen years, and lived and learned on my own, especially new rules and culture the hard way. By the time I realized that I just knew a bit too much that I could be dangerous to myself, life had passed me by. Or was I gaining experiences the hard way? I forgot the title of the song by Pink-Floyd that says,
â€Tired of laying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long, there is TIME to kill today. And then, one day you find, 10 YEARS †â€â€ TIME is the essence of our lives.

I hope I did not bore you.

I have written a bit about these issues in my first book called â€Bad things Happen to Good People. Your Credit = Your Life, Fix It Now!â€.

With best wishes,

Mike Samadi

Any questions? Go to Q & A of http://www.MasterCreditRepair.net, read and post. Go to the â€Comment†page and post your story or comment. Your personal information will remain confidential. Joint my membership club (coming soon).

Mike Samadi is an author of several books and over 40 extensive consumer financial articles. He is widely known as a credit repair expert. Read Mike's book ("Bad Things happen to Good People. Your Credit = Your Life, Fix It Now!" or "Saving Your Money") to gain knowledge and experiences needed to overcome your financial problems. Please visit the website at http://www.MasterCreditRepair.net to learn more and fix/maintain your credit and save money in all sorts of ways. The site is not just about credit repair. It will teach you about money management, stopping scam so that you would not lose time, money nor sleep and so much more. Join his upcoming membership site and team.

For over 12 years he has been assisting consumers with ...

Article Source: http://www.earticlesonline.com/Article/Importance-of-Communication-in-Relationships--09-26-08/472237

How To Fix A Marriage is a free resource offering advice on broken marriage and divorce and a host of common problems involving relationships everyone faces nowadays, including: How to get your boyfriend back, Getting back your ex-girlfriend, How to win back your ex-wife, Win back your ex-husband, How to save a marriage that is broken, Save your marriage, How to identify a marriage in crisis, How to stop the divorce and rebuild your life, Tips to help you Save Marriage Alone, 3 ways to get ex back in your life, Save your relationship, Signs you're in an unhealthy relationship plus may more tips and suggestions how to get your relationships back on track.

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